And Maybe I'll Catch Fire. Something Warm To Hold Me, Something Pure to Burn Away the Darkness That Hides Inside My Mind.

I truly have the best girlfriend in the world. I feared because of my stupid whiney coworker that i would be working too much and couldn't see Jessica on Valatine's day. Now i'm a dude, clearly, but i would still love to see her. Well the truth is i want to see her every day, but i can use this holiday as a reason to see her on that day. But i do have the best girl. She drove to my job and waited for me to get out of work. She waited patiently, which is not one of her traits, to give me some star wars valatines that she search a few places for. They are the kiddy foil valatines, but she took time to find them for me. They are the greatest. I love this girl so much.

Sundripped Devil Scratched Out My Eyes

So Icky Hanes is a sneaky girl. Very sneaky. But all in a good way. Some things in my life are seeming to be coming together. I'm a little scared, things don't normally work out this well. So maybe it will all come crashing down? Or maybe not. But if they do i know i won't be alone. About time. I'm sure there is more to be said, but i'm tired and i don't want to share. I will say this, i do need a freakin' hair cut. Man it is getting wicked long.

A bullet to the sun. Erase everything we have done.

I have come to find out that quite a few people read my blog. I was surprised only cause i don't think i am that entertaining. But clearly i am wrong. It is okay though. If i put something on the internet i should think that everyone is reading it. Because everyone has access to it. But i am still sure there are more important and interesting things people could be reading. Like this.

Life gets real difficult some times. My friend has just lost his grandmother. I know most people aren't really close to their grandparents, i'm not sure if he was either. But death is never easy to deal with. I don't ever want to deal with it again, but i'm sure it will happen. I know the angel of death is trying to break me. If he only knew i am already broken. I don't know if i can be fixed. Don't get me wrong, i don't want to change the past. I don't think that would fix anything. My life hasn't been the best, but it made me who i am. Not that i am completely thrilled with that, i don't want that to change either. I guess i don't know what i want. I should say i just want to be happy, but that is almost an unreachable goal and i fear if i do fear if i become happy it will only be taken away from me again. I think i would rather do without than to lose it again. I think i just have a negative view on life. There is someone who is changing my opinion slowly.

Here is an away message a friend of mine posted on her AIM. I really liked it and thought i would share with you guys:

"Insanity. That moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes a blur and the only thing that remains in focus is you and this person. And you realize that this special someone is the only person you want to kiss. Ever. But it's so out of character. And it scares you. But then you realize what an amazing gift has been given to you and you wanna laugh, and you wanna cry... because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it'll go away all at the same time."

Hate is My Anthem, Love is Why I'm Dancing

I spent the entire day yesterday with jessica. I haven't spent that much time with her in a while. It was simply wonderful. I had a great time with her. I always have a great time with her. I could just sit and watch tv with her and be so thrilled. I love her so very much. "We'll be like torches together, hand in hand."

Tonight i will be attending the Ortega's superbowl party tonight with jessica. I am not a fan of any sports, nor is jessica(thank God). I am looking forward to it. Juan spoke of having the superbowl on one tv and another for xbox games. It should be a lot of fun. Plus it will be socializing with a bunch of friends. The Ortegas are quickly becoming close friends. I didn't see that happening, but it is forming before my eyes. It all started with me housesitting for them, me housesitting for a friend of a friend. We have a lot of things in common. And Jessica loves them too.

God of Israel grant me one last strength

Why must i run away from everything? When i get scared i tend to run. I hate it. But i just don't know how else to deal with things sometimes. But i can only run for so long before they catch up. It is like those slasher flicks where the villain always walks and catches up with the victim even though they are running the whole time. I am really a wuss. I just wish it all would end. Right now.

All The While There's A Symphony On The Music Box, As I Sit Behind The Keys Of My Player Piano I Cry

I had an okay day. I received some bad news this morning. I except it, but i still didn't want to hear it. Life is really difficult sometimes. Hopefully i can correct it this week, but i'm not sure. If i can't then i don't know what i will do. I'm so freakin' lost. This kind of crap is the reason i don't want to grow up. I'm gonna stay eighteen forever. I just wanted this to work out so badly, but i let myself down as always.

On a good note i was able to finally stretch out my septum to an eight gauge. Probably the only goal i had in life is complete. Now i have nothing to work for. I'm going to be so freakin' bored. What am i talking about i can stretch my tongue and lips still. Bring on the pain. I think i just have a sick obession with metal. I don't ever plan on removing any of my piercings. I never ever considered getting a piercing with the idea of taking it out later. They all become a part of me. Take them out would be like cuting my nose off. They are now part of my face. And i love them to death. I didn't do them for any other reason than that. I just love them. And i don't need people around me that are willing to look pass them. Looking pass them is looking pass me. I will stay ugly with my piercings, thank you.

Load Your Firearms Because Security Is A Warm Warm Gun

I'm at a lost on how to start this entry. I guess it really doesn't matter. I came to find out that the dinner was a success. Apparently i'm not the idiot that i look like. And i don't have any bad features. So now i am trying to figure out who she met. I don't think it was me. I'm ugly as hell and dumb as crap. As long as it went well for the parents that is all i care. I don't need any more tenison in my life. Well i take that back, i'm used to tenison. I just don't want to cause any for jessica over me. Because i don't believe i am worth it. Hopefully she does. Now that i have done the whole meet and greet, i would make her do the same with my parents, but they really don't care. Not because of her it is our relationship. I'm not close to my father, nor have i ever been. The truth of the matter is if we visit my parents it would be more for jessica to see pepper than to see my dad. That is okay with me. It is probably too late to change it anyway.