Load Your Firearms Because Security Is A Warm Warm Gun

I'm at a lost on how to start this entry. I guess it really doesn't matter. I came to find out that the dinner was a success. Apparently i'm not the idiot that i look like. And i don't have any bad features. So now i am trying to figure out who she met. I don't think it was me. I'm ugly as hell and dumb as crap. As long as it went well for the parents that is all i care. I don't need any more tenison in my life. Well i take that back, i'm used to tenison. I just don't want to cause any for jessica over me. Because i don't believe i am worth it. Hopefully she does. Now that i have done the whole meet and greet, i would make her do the same with my parents, but they really don't care. Not because of her it is our relationship. I'm not close to my father, nor have i ever been. The truth of the matter is if we visit my parents it would be more for jessica to see pepper than to see my dad. That is okay with me. It is probably too late to change it anyway.

You're Hotter Than My Pits After Gym Class

I had dinner with the girlfriend's parents today. It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. They didn't ask me much of anything. I didn't quite plan on that. I thought they would ask me something, but nothing at all. Odd.

I haven't adjusted to only seeing Jessica on the weekends. I talk to her every day, but that isn't enough. I just want to hold her some times. I know i need to get used to not seeing her, but it is difficult. It seems so like decades in between our visits. I need to just look into her eyes. I want to just lay beside her and watch for shooting stars.

The Bathroom Is a Creepy Place for Pictures of Your Friends

It is one of those days that i have so much to type, but i forgot it all. So many things crossed my mind today, but nothing that i can remember at this present time. Maybe i should take my own advice and write it down. I usually don't have this problem. Maybe i am just getting old. I think that is it. It reminds me of an old saying "Youth is wasted on the young". It is true. Josh Scogin said talked about it before. I agree with everything he said. So here is a quote from him.

"The statement, unfortunately, is true for the most part. Here we are, with the most energy that we will ever have and absolute health and few to no bills to pay, and what does the average young person do with all of that................sits around and watches tv, or plays on some technological waste of time, or worse yet, they waste all of that energy and zeal on drugs or alcohol, Items that were created for no other reason than to alter your state of mind."

For more from Josh click here and go to the articles.

Moving on, i beat The Punisher game today. I recommend it to any marvel comic fan. It is an excellent game. The story in it is amazing.

I decided the other day that i was tired of shaving. I am going to let my hair grow like God wanted it to. As long as possible and everywhere. But who am i kidding. I know as soon as it starts to go crazy i will be trimming it up nice and neat. I have to look good for the ladies.So they can be all up ons. Yeah like i need girls attention, and not like girls normally give me attention anyway. I do have the full attention of an amazing girl. So i guess i can just look nice for her. I am sure she will prefer me cleaner cut anyways. Speaking of her, she cut her hair the other day. I was a little nervous because it was short already. But she looks adorable as always. I don't think there is anything she can do to make me not think she is adorable. I love her so much. Now that i am with her, all of those sappy love songs are starting to make sense. I am sure that is a sign of something. Maybe a sign of the apocalypse, but most likely i really love this girl. This would mean my days of pretending to be a player are over before the even began. I can't dwell on what could have been, but on the present. And the amazing person i want to share it with.

Her lips taste like a loaded gun and I'm her number one chalk outline on the floor.

I had a really good day for once. I was able to talk to jessica for around three hours this morning. I never get tired of talking to her. Talking on the phone is the closest i get to seeing her during the week. It is rough with our schedules. But she is totally worth waiting for. I will wait forever if i need to.

I received two compliments today at work. One from my district manager and one from my store manager. Very odd. My district manager is really nice, while i haven't been complimented from him before i don't that as been very strange. My store manager on the other hand, is a jerk most of the time. She is a great person and a good friend of mine outside of work. But when she is working she is strict and hard on everyone. I never hear any praise from her usually. Not that i need it all the time, but to hear it every once and while is nice. Today she said i have been doing very good this past month. That i have been developing with the employees and taking on extra duties. The ironic part is that she was lecturing me last week about not being hard enough on the employees, and this week i'm amazing at it. I think she is freakin' crazy. I haven't change anything in the past week. Nor is she every around to notice if i am better with the staff. She is just jealous that the entire staff loves me and hates her guts. It is her own fault that no one likes her. She is generally mean to everyone. And accepts too much of people. Nobody can live up to her high standards. I get the feeling that she may have gotten a talking to from my district manager today, and that is the only reason she said anything to me. I hope i am wrong, and it is pretty sad that i would think that of someone who i would consider a friend. Maybe she isn't a friend after all. Maybe she pretends to be just so she can trust me. Or maybe i am blowing things out of proportion. Some things are just so hard to figure out. Should i say some people are just so hard to figure out. Myself included. I did find out tonight that i need to make some goals in my life. That is a major change for me. But i guess if she can change all of her plans, i could make some of my own.

"Dear Ambellina, the Prise wishes you to watch over me. Dear Ambellina, the Prise wishes all to watch over me. I fought the decisions that call and lost. My mark has the revelant piece in this. I will come reformed. In short, for the murders of those I court. I bless the hour that holds your fall. I will kill you all!!"

Let The Blood Spill

I have been playing The Punisher video game the past week. It is incredible. They made him brutal as possible, which is the way he is in the comic. You have Interrogate mode which you can make people tell you information by force. You can put a gun in their mouth, punch them, choke them, or smash their face. Then you have special interogations depending on where you are. I was in a chop shop and i put somebody's head in a chroming tank which is keep at a very high temperature which burned all his flesh off his skull.

I found out yesterday that jessica has trouble visiting me at work. She gets upset at the little girls that tend to shop at hot topic and try to flirt with me. I am extremely flattered that jessica gets a little jealous over that. I never flirt with any girls at work. I have no need to, nor a desire to. If i wanted to flirt with someone, i will make a free mobile to mobile phone call to this wonderful girl i know and flirt all i want. I'm just too lucky.

I'm running out of fingers to count the things I've done wrong

I attended j.mac's halo2 party tonight. It was as fun as i thought it was going to be. I did have the company of a lovely sweet girl with me. So that was probably the best part. I do enjoy the company of my xbox geek friends, but i have grown tired of playing games where i have zero to no chance of winning. It is very discouraging. I have also grown bored of xbox live. It is a wonderful service, but i just don't care to have it anymore. I think i have more fun playing with people other than voices over an earpiece. I'm really liking my new car. It is such a change from my old car. I do miss the firebird, but i am really enjoying this saturn. It was so nice to spend some time with jessica tonight. I haven't been able to see her with school started back up. I see some long periods of not seeing her. That will be difficult, but she is well worth the wait. I will wait an eternity for her.

The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force

I has been another eventful week. Someone has finally moved on. I'm unsure on the reasons, but i'm thankful. I have purchased a new car. I might have located a second job. And i love my girlfriend more and more with each passing day. But the young padawan has much to learn. The jedi mind trick can only be used on the weak minded.

Choke That Thief Called Dependence

I had a wonderful night. I was able to spend some time with my jessica, and was invited out with Juan and Kirsty. I'm not quite sure why they have taken a liking to me, but i'm happy about it. I really enjoy spending time with them. Jessica has declared they are "our" friends, not mine. She also feels that way about the lovely jarvis. She is stealing my friends, well not really. I'm beyond happy that she likes my friends in the first place. And i guess we have the Ortegas and Jarvis to do couples things with. I'm part of a couple now. I used to be the odd ball out. I was the one visiting married friends and whatnot. I guess i am growing up. But i'm not sure i want to. I don't want the problems that come with being an adult. I guess i can only run for so long before it catches up to me. Maybe i will just run faster.

Well this rope is tightening and I don't want you to see all these things I hide.When you were holding my hand I didn't think I'd die.

I got a lot off my chest yesterday. I told some very deep and personal matter to someone, despite hearing the horrors that run through my mind, who really cares. Did i really think she was going to leave after hearing them? No, i didn't. I thought she was going to worry more about me though. I don't want someone worring about me, i'm independent. Even though i don't want someone worring, i probably need someone to. And it is comfronting that someone cares, and needs me as much as i need her.

I was thinking about her the other day. I got scared thinking, worse case scenario of course, her parents not allowing her to see me. There is no reason for them to think that way, but i started for the moment. And not that she would just listen to her parents either. I started to get that broken heart feeling. Where you actually feel like your heart is in pieces. I hate that feeling. It makes me think that i might just be attached to her. When the thought of her not being around hurts me. I could have been a player. Not that i ever was, but now that idea is gone. I'm not upset, i much rather spend time with her than anyone else. She is my super charged magnet.

This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue, and my eye through the scope down the barrel of a gun

Kind of a long day today. I woke up early to be at work at eight. And on the way to work my passenger window chose to stop working on me. It has always given me trouble, but it usually works when it is cool outside. So i had to leave my car in the parking lot of the mall with my window half way down. Very annoying. Thankfully no one messed with it. At least i don't think anyone messed with it. I should be out there working on it right now, but instead i am blogging so my wonderful reader may have something pathetic and boring to read about. I'm always thinking of others.

I wanna be Jackie Onassis, I wanna wear a pair of dark sunglasses

I found out that i am an idiot. I thought i asked for a day off, but as it turns out i only asked for the evening off. Now my plans are being rescheduled. I could do something to make them stay the same, but i might just ask jessica if she will use some vacation time at a later day. Though i hate to ask it of her. I don't like asked people for stuff a lot of the time. I know she will do what she can if i ask her, but i don't like it. I'm independent, yo!

I did finally go and talk to an apartment complex that i have been meaning to. Thanks to jessica pushing me, like i needed. I found out some information that i needed to know. I hope it works out. It will put me right beside work, which would be so nice. I would be able to have my own place. I really hope it works out.

I know i probably say this a lot, but i mean it everytime. I am so lucky to have jessica in my life. She makes me so happy. And for some crazy reason she really cares. I don't know why she cares for me, when i don't really care for me. She accepts everything about me without question. She is amazing!! I love her!!!

So many sleepless nights have found me wandering comfortless streets in search of peace, any release from who i'm have become.

I had a mixed emotion day yesterday. I found out my old manager stella was coming in town. Which that meant a trip to Independent Bar. And i hate going downtown. I don't drink nor do i dance, so i find going to clubs and bars useless. But it was for stella, so i went. I haven't seen her in months. She hasn't changed a bit. But yesterday was going well till i found out i couldn't really get out of going to the bar. Then i started thinking about things that i try so hard to forget. And when i think about it, it consumes me. I think it all comes from me being so freakin' insecure, and i hate it so much. But i mainly hate myself. I have that feeling of being a failure at life. It often comes and goes. It was gone for a while, but rest assured it has returned. It is like life is a video game that i just can't conquer.

But i was created to conquer. Failure.

Bowhunting skills, Nunchaku skills, or Computer hacking skills.

I have an eventful weekend in front of me. I finally get to see Landon's baby girl. Now i am not a baby person in the least, but this is my niece. So i am thrilled. It will remind me how i am not ready for one of my own. Then tomorrow night i will be consuming delicious BBQ ribs at the Ortega residence. Not only that, but my wonderful, caring, and beautiful girlfriend should be accompanying me through out it. It should be a great weekend. I love you, jessica.

Everytime we meet you become a bigger part of me

The big three. But it is only the beginning. It is wonderful.

For the curious ones out there, i am happy. And just for the record i don't want anything from you. Just acceptance of the way things are. They aren't changing anytime soon. And i never did anything to cause any pain. I think you should move on with your life. Don't dewell on the past for so long, enjoy the present.

Can you understand my meaning hidden in the roses around my eyes?

So i took another major step in my relationship. I went out yesterday, and changed my cell phone plan to a family plan and added jessica to it. This is a big step. Thanks to technology this is a critical step in a dating relationship. And i am ecstatic. I now have the ability to call her whenever i want and not use up all my minutes. And now with school starting back up soon i will only be able to talk to her most of the time, and maybe see her at night after work. Plus this whole up grade thing did get me a new cell phone. The phone i have wanted for a while now. Awesome!!!

The truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

I am so worried about finding an apartment. I have located some, but i don't really like them. But they are the ones i can afford, which isn't too much. And i don't want a bad place. I don't care about me, but i know jessica will visit and i don't want to have to worry about her all the time. I have just never done this before, i don't know what i am getting myself into.

I touched myself at thoughts of flames

So jessica decided to start the new year in flames. That could be the last time i invite myself over to her house. Although i am sure i helped, and i am glad it happened around me so i didn't hear about it later and worry. I still feel like i somehow caused it. But no one got hurt, and it was stopped so it could have ended worse. I did get to meet most of her family.

I have grown tired of not having my own place. I also feel if i stay with Chon_Lee too long he will grow to dislike me. I desire my own place so i can set up my kitchen, put my fish tank up, and do whatever i want. I could walk around in my underwear if i want. Have people any time i want. And maybe not feeling like a bum. Plus i see a new beginning to my life starting soon. A new chapter so to speak. And i think having my own place will start it all. This is something i never thought would happen to me. I have never felt this way before, but it feels so right. I will never let go.